Word vomit

Do you ever have one of THOSE days? You know, the ones where you open your mouth and the crap that pours out is offensive/inappropriate/not-as-funny-as-you-think/going to get you fired?

Well, that was my WEEK. Where are my friends that will protect me from myself?  I need that person that will hear me spewing craziness to the most influential people, kindly put their hand over my mouth and guide me away from the conversation. I know I have those people in my life (MO), but they don’t work with me! Sometimes a girl just needs a little help.

I won’t get into the dirty details, but let me just tell you I was hopped up on cold medicine, caffeine and drinking a glass of wine that I may have come inches from spilling on an important CEO.

I know it’s bad when I call my sister to tell on myself and she practically pees her pants laughing at my recap of the absurdities that kept jumping off my tongue.

It is time to keep my head down and let my work speak for itself. My mouth seems hell bent on ruining my reputation.

Hello Stranger

I know my last post was a little bit of a downer. I promise we are all ok. I just needed to wallow in self pity for a minute or two. Things are much better. The tantrums are fewer, and I’m handling them a little more consistently. 

The reason for my blog absence has been because we are busy, busy, busy. We are getting our house ready to put on the marketing!!  It is time. We’ve officially grown out of the space - two kids, two parents, and two fur babies crammed into 1000 square feet. I’m not all about bigger BUT the one bathroom thing makes the already difficult task of potty training, that much more of a challenge. 

We are doing some packing (hello storage unit), some painting and repairs (hello painting company), buying a new water heater (hello Lowes), and finding a way to pay for it all without dipping into the new home down payment fund (HELLO TAX REFUND!)

Plus, there was Easter, which was so much fun. Caroline was all about finding the plastic eggs and discovering what was inside. I found her with the contents of the eggs organized around her on the floor. She had a perplexed look on her face as she chewed on some candy. I was trying to deduce why she had such a strange expression when I saw one of those little chocolate eggs that is wrapped in foil. It had bite marks in it. That’s when it clicked – sweet baby girl didn’t know you have to unwrap them. I hold my hand under her mouth and tell her to spit it out. Out spills chewed up chocolate covered foil. I show her that they must be unwrapped, take away any other offenders and leave her to her pile of candy and toys. 

It was an awesome weekend.

If you don’t hear much from me in the next month or so, it will be because we are become masters of the real estate market!!

Here are some pictures to brighten your day. If they don’t brighten your day, you are immune to cuteness.

Maggie happy about easter

Egg hunting at home

Egg hunting at Grandpa and Nana's

The Terrible Twos

I’m struggling.

The terrible twos are in full force at our house, and I totally lack the patience, time AND capacity to deal with this. Every day of the week there is AT LEAST one full blown meltdown. Oh and I’m not talking about throwing a little fit that is resolved by a stern talking to or even time out. I’m talking throwing things, rolling on the ground in hysterics, swinging and kicking at anyone in the vicinity and screaming for a good half an hour.

My emotions usually run the course of tolerant, to angry, to finally depressed. At first I accept that this is part of life. The angry portion usually comes when the tantrum has affected something larger, like me being very late for work. The depression comes after the tantrum has passed and I reflect on how much of our time together is mostly spent in this unhappy state. Also, I am acutely aware that how I handle the situation can solve or exacerbate the problem. And, lets be honest, I’m typically exacerbating the problem, leaving the blame on my parenting style.

This morning started out this way. So when I get to work I begin scouring the internet, looking for some advice and/or commiseration.

I wish I could tell you I found what I was looking for. Let me just share with you some of the CRAP I found.

RE: Managing Tantrums in Public
"Start by removing your toddler from the situation by picking him up and taking him to a quiet place such as the car or the bathroom. Hug him until the tantrum stops and provide guidance as you would at home. Do not give in to your child's demands. If he knows he can throw and fit and receive a candy bar, you can bet on a repeat of the same situation next time you run errands."

HUG HIM???? Yeah, I tried to Hug Caroline during one of her tantrums and almost lost an eye.

RE: Generally Managing Temper Tantrums
During a tantrum, it's important to remain calm and avoid inadvertently reinforcing the behavior. (Yea, no shit, Sherlock) Keep your emotions in check. If your emotions escalate, so will your child's. Do not laugh or confront her. Instead, ignore your child without making eye contact and wait for her to calm down. This will ensure you are not reinforcing bad behavior

Mind you, the above advice came from the same post that instructed me to hug him/her. But, ok, I get it, public vs at home. This is the stance I take most of the time, but it’s not always possible or realistic. YOU try being calm and wait the tantrum out when you are already 30 mins late for work. Yeah, the job that keeps a roof over our head is kinda something I can’t afford to eff up. And don’t tell me to get up earlier, because that isn’t the problem. We have been up at 5am and still had the same tantrum take place when right as we WALK OUT THE DOOR.

Oh how about when I googled “terrible two’s” and got this gem:

“The Terrible Twos: A Myth?”

I’ve got one finger that tells you how I feel about that headline. Needless to say I didn’t bother to click on it.

Then there are the mom message boards. They are sometimes more helpful and generally more supportive, but they also leave me wondering if they have any idea what I’m dealing with. For example one of the mom’s provided advice that read, “I found it helpful with my first daughter to get down to her eye level by kneeling and talk to her calmly until she settled down.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

All of this to say, if you are dealing with the same issues - I RELATE. Also, don't look for any mom advice from me because none of what I'm doing is right or is working.     If you aren't dealing with the same issues, I am accepting hugs or reassurance that I'm not failing as a mother.   Here's hoping that age three is better!

Poop and vomit

More vomit than poop recently, but yes, that’s what my life is all about.

I’ll start with the poop, because I know how everyone loves a good poop stories (Fun drinking game, take a drink every time you read the word poop. Yep, that one counts too.)

So it was a typical frenetic Sunday night and Hubs was giving Caroline a bath. No, let me be more specific, he was giving her a bubble bath. She loves the bubbles and that means fewer tantrums for us, yay.

I’m not sure what I was doing, giving Maggie a bottle, folding laundry, cooking, facilitating world peace, take your pick. Well I stopped whatever was keeping me occupied when I hear hubs say tentatively, “I think Caroline pooped in the tub”.

“You think!?” My response was as urgent as my footsteps into our tiny bathroom.

He explained his uncertainty just as I saw the problem, the bubbles! We used a plastic cup to push the bubbles around until…yep, poop. One turd surfaced between the bubble mountains. If there is one turd, there is bound to be another.

I sprung into action, grabbed Caroline and pulled her soapy self out of the poop water. I responded to her screams of protest with the explanation that poop goes in the POTTY, not the tub . I demanded that hubs get me a bucket with bleach in it.

I then started the tedious work of locating and scooping rouge turds out of the tub and dumping them in the toilet.

Meanwhile, Hubs is searching for a bucket or some other bleach holding receptacle, a naked Caroline is running around with bubbles still clinging to her wet hair and my angel Maggie is cooing quietly in her chair.

I’ll tell you what, it was like the Where’s Waldo of poop in there. Once I scooped all the poop it was time to bring on the bleach, bleach the tub, the toys and the girl. Ok, I didn’t use bleach on her, but you get the idea. And now, we are back at square one. I'm sure that whatever the poop inturrupted that night has not yet been completed.

I was going to tell you about poop AND vomit but I don’t think I’ve distanced myself enough from the vomit to talk about it just yet, maybe another day.

Poop (one more drink)

Fast times

OMG my life is moving so fast right now Like so fast that there isn't time for punctuation so just take a deep breath and read this a giant run-on sentence and you can maybe understand how I feel.

Its all CRAZINESS. Good craziness, but breathless-lucky if I get the dishes done-eating take out every night so there is time for living room dance parties-traveling to three cities in two weeks-making important presentations to even more important people-juggling tantrums and midnight feedings craziness.

Luckily I have my Husband. He has a way of taking my whirling dervish tendencies and slowing them down. I think he would say I do the same for him sometimes.

Ok got to go my hotel room is ready and I have work to do....
 

Dear Caroline, Liney-pus, baby girl, all-around-crazy-girl,

It was TWO MONTHS ago that you turned two. What a slacker I am, not writing this post until now. Well you can blame your sister. There will be a lifetime of that I’m sure. Suddenly things got crazy, maybe I should say crazier.  Lucky for your dad and me, you took the arrival of your sister in stride. I have to say that I think we can thank Maggie for some of that. She has not been a very demanding baby, so the level of attention we pay you hasn’t declined greatly. You are a big help with Maggie, and I would guess enjoy the attention that a new baby brings. Plus, with Maggie here, you get more one on one time with Dada. He took you to see your first movie at the theater. You saw Frozen on the really big TV. He also took you on your first sledding trip. You loved the two trips down the hill, but then your hands got cold and it WAS TIME TO GO.

I can’t BELIEVE how much you’ve grown, changed, learned in just ONE YEAR. Year one is all about size and year two is all about your brain. You know all your colors, only sometimes confusing pink and white. You are quickly learning numbers and letters. Sometimes I worry we can stimulate your brain enough. You soak it all in. I mean ALL of it. You repeated your first cuss word last month. Luckily, you aren’t too good with the s’s so it sounded like ‘it’. 

Your vocabulary continues to surprises us, while your pronunciation continues to confound us. I think I’m better at understanding you than your dad. You hurt your pinkie yesterday and when I told your dad, he didn’t believe me that you knew what your pinkie was. He immediately began quizzing you. “Caroline, where is your pinkie?” Don’t take offense; he does it to me too. Its just his way of showing his amazement at your intellect. (At least that’s what I tell myself when he challenges me).

Our biggest challenges right now are centered on communication. You know exactly what you want but you can seem to get me to understand. OH THE FRUSTRATION! You cry those big crocodile tears as I throw a string of questions at you, trying to figure out the problem. There have been many times that we stand looking at each other, tears streaming down your face and my heart breaking that I don’t know what it is you are trying to say.

It goes something like this:

“Are you Hungry?”

“No?”

“Do you want a hug?”

“NO MOMMA, no hug!”

“Do you want to color?”

“NOOOOO!”  Crying intensifies. I’m getting colder.

“Do you want to go bye-bye?”

“NO”

“Do you want a waffle?”

“YEAH!  Waffle!” Hands reach triumphantly overhead in victory.

I’m never really sure if you wanted a waffle to begin with or if that just sounded so good that you forgot your original request. I just have to be careful not to ask you if you want to play with knives or drive the car! I never know when you’re going to say yes. 

You give the BEST hugs! My absolute favorite is when you run to me, outstretched arms, yelling MOMMA. I sweep you up. All limbs are enthusiastically curl around me. If you are really excited, I get big pats on my back as I hold you as close as possible. You are a great snuggler too. On those lazy weekend mornings, when I’m curled up on the couch, you climb in next to me and we watch TV. I’ve even learned how to balance both you and your sister in my arms, because I love the couch snuggles so much. 

I can’t wait to see what this next year brings. I can’t imagine that you will continue to change and grow at such a breakneck speed, but only time will tell.

I love you so much. 

The Momma!

Dear Maggie, Boogabo, Stinker, MJ, Mags

You are such a joy and so full of smiles. Just when I think I’m at the end of my rope from lack of sleep after a long of night of putting the pacifier back in your mouth for the THOUSANDTH TIME and nursed you at least twice in the wee hours of the night/morning; you greet me with the biggest smile and coo. you greet me and the day with such happiness that I’m re energized to do it all again. Thank you! I think your sister thanks you too because no one likes a grumpy momma.

You are such a happy baby, only crying when something is wrong. It is so rare that even Caroline has started to say “awe Maggie” if you ever are upset.

If I can’t fix what’s ailing you, it usually means you have gas. You are the cutest baby but OMG your farts could peel paint off the walls. It even trumps the dogs! You’ve only been at the sitter a week but already your gas in infamous.

I feel like I need to tell you to slow down. You are already trying to sit on your own. There is NO NEED for you to grow up too fast, unless it means sleeping through the night. That would be just fine with me. I mean, just look at your sister, she still wants to be a baby, climbing into your car seat and bouncy chair for attention.

I’m back at work now, which means the Maggie and Mom one-on-one time has come to an end. I will miss all of our uninterrupted snuggles. I love you so much and I look forward to so much more.