Wednesday, July 29, 2009
My dad called me yesterday morning— a phone call too early in the day to be anything good. Even though my grandma had been in the hospital, I didn’t expect the phone call so soon.
The emotions are a thick emulsion of heartache, grief, guilt, sorrow and joy.
Heartache for my mother—the care she took, the love she expressed, the decisions she had to make—all ending with the pain she is experiencing.
Grief over the loss of stubborn, rebellious, mischievous and spirited woman that made the world a more interesting place to be.
Guilt that I didn’t spend enough time with her, didn’t have kids for her to meet, didn’t care for her the way I wanted to.
Sorrow for the last of my grandparents to pass. A generation lost to me.
Joy as I remember- remember the way she said “Here Now” when she was reprimanding one of us, remembering the trip to Florida with her and Grandpa, remembering the playful bickering between the two, remembering the holidays spent at their house, remembering her behind the bar at Gina’s, remembering her dancing at my wedding just 6 months ago and remembering the lifelong friendship she had with her sister – Aunt Lou
Joy for the family we have. This family knows too well the way a funeral brings us together. I find joy in the support of each other.
I will miss you but I know you are in good hands.
at 2:06 PM