I can't get over how quickly the time goes while simultaneously every day feels like a lifetime as Caroline and I learn each other a little more.
She gives me a good block of time in the afternoon as she naps. My hope is to use this time to document and explore all the details from the labor, deliver and her first hours/days at home, to the joy of the daily monotony of motherhood, at least for the next 10 weeks or so.
Everyone told me how quickly the love for you new baby erases the pain of labor. They were right, however in the moment I remember thinking "who are those crazy misogynistic women who chose to forgo an epidural?"
I was induced for Caroline so we were scheduled to go into the hospital Thursday night at 9pm. I was nervous and excited and in TOTAL denial. I knew there was only one way to meet my new baby so instead of getting prepared, I just didn't think about it. Hubs and Momma T went with me to the hospital to check in and get started. Momma T went to stay at Aunt Biscuits house to get some sleep as Hubs slumbered beside me, oblivious to my growing discomfort.
It was a long night that included catheters, fetal monitors, breaking my water, pitocin and an epidural. After a long night, the epidural provided me an opportunity catch some z's and shift in an attempt to reposition a possible posterior baby.
All was progressing as planned, until at 9cm the epidural stopped working on the right side. Before I know it I found myself rocking rhythmically, moaning like a freight train with every contraction. OH THE PAIN. I think I was that way for about an hour before they could track down the anesthesiologist who proceeded to reposition the needle in my spine. AND THEN, the relief! At that point I was 10 cm and it was time to push. And was I ever ready to push. I was good an numb now, which of course made it feel like all the good pushing was doing was making my face beet red. But the constant reassurance from Momma T, Hubs and the team of nurses gave me the confidence to keep pushing with the same enthusiasm. When She was finally crowning, we paused to wait for the Dr. Momma T and Hubs were so excited that they actually were jumping up and down. I think they even exchanged a high five. It was awesome. Their excitement was the adrenaline I needed. Turns out that Caroline was indeed posterior, or sunny side up. It took a lot more pushing and exertion to get her out. It was the coolest, craziest, strangest, most awesome sight to see her come out, looking right at us. Then they said it. "It's a girl". I couldn't believe it. I cried with such joy and excitement as they laid her on my chest. She is perfect. The rest is a major blur. I remember Hubs cutting the cord and Momma T bouncing around awaiting the go ahead to tell the family that had gathered in the waiting room, Baby Caroline was HERE.
What I remember next is a slurry of euphoria, utter exhaustion and joy. Luckily that euphoria stayed with me for a couple days, because the pain was following right behind my first visitors.
More on the first days with my new baby to come. I have a little squeaker to attend to right now....