Dear Maggie

You are growing too fast. How in the world are you seven months already? You are growing like a weed. At your 6 month appointment the pediatrician said you were in the 98^th percentile in height. What the what? We’ve started calling you Big Baby, affectionately of course. 

The other night you weren’t sleeping well (I didn’t know it then but you were developing a nasty case of pink eye). I pulled you from your crib to rock you back to sleep. I am always conflicted when I pull you out of your crib. I want you to develop good sleep habits, but selfishly I just want to rock you all night long. That night I did pull you out and settle into the worn rocking chair. It took a couple readjustments, but your head finally found comfort on my chest. Oh sweet girl, how I love those moments. 

As I rocked with you quietly in the dark, I was grateful for that chair. It has seen many long nights. It was your Aunt Jenna’s chair that she graciously handed down to me when Caroline was on her way. Your cousins helped soften that chair. So much so, we had to add another cushion to the seat. I rocked some more, reflecting on how lucky I am to be able to hold you close. 

You are such a good baby. Everyone always comments on your generous smiles. The best smiles are when your get so excited that your eyes almost disappear. You bring such joy that I can begrudgingly forgive you for not sleeping through the night. I’ll gladly sacrifice an hour of sleep for a midnight expression of joy. 

Caroline has taken to you in the most amusing way. One particular example was when you fell asleep in the car. I lugged the entire seat to our final destination so as not to wake you. I have no idea how long you were awake, but when your sister noticed, she announced it with FANFARE. 

“MAGGIE’S AWAKE” she exclaimed waving her hands in the direction of the car seat. She continued repeating it until every adult took notice.

I spend too much of my day worried that it is all happening too fast and it is too good to be true. Like your Bubby once said to me, promise me you’ll never grow up!

You can start sleeping for an 8-10 hour stretch though. I’d be ok with that…

Love, Your momma

Snarky Cards For Sale

If you are anything like me, there are some moments in life that they just don’t make greeting cards for. Well fret no more, Olive &Clyde to the rescue. These two awesome chicks took on the task of creating snarky greeting cards and I think they struck GOLD.

Did you read my last post? Well this card would have been have been just the thing I needed to cure my word vomit hangover. 

Luckily, I don’t have anyone to send this card to yet, but I’m ready.The inside reads, "sorry he turned out to be a dick".

With Father’s day right around the corner, you might want to order one for your dad. While you’re at it, stock up on all the cards that fill that supermarket greeting card void! You might have a friend like me who needs some love all wrapped up in a laugh and sealed with a stamp.

PS – totally excited for Mo and her new business. I'm not at all jealous. I mean come on, writing snarky, funny greeting cards, who would want to do that all day?

 

Word vomit

Do you ever have one of THOSE days? You know, the ones where you open your mouth and the crap that pours out is offensive/inappropriate/not-as-funny-as-you-think/going to get you fired?

Well, that was my WEEK. Where are my friends that will protect me from myself?  I need that person that will hear me spewing craziness to the most influential people, kindly put their hand over my mouth and guide me away from the conversation. I know I have those people in my life (MO), but they don’t work with me! Sometimes a girl just needs a little help.

I won’t get into the dirty details, but let me just tell you I was hopped up on cold medicine, caffeine and drinking a glass of wine that I may have come inches from spilling on an important CEO.

I know it’s bad when I call my sister to tell on myself and she practically pees her pants laughing at my recap of the absurdities that kept jumping off my tongue.

It is time to keep my head down and let my work speak for itself. My mouth seems hell bent on ruining my reputation.

Hello Stranger

I know my last post was a little bit of a downer. I promise we are all ok. I just needed to wallow in self pity for a minute or two. Things are much better. The tantrums are fewer, and I’m handling them a little more consistently. 

The reason for my blog absence has been because we are busy, busy, busy. We are getting our house ready to put on the marketing!!  It is time. We’ve officially grown out of the space - two kids, two parents, and two fur babies crammed into 1000 square feet. I’m not all about bigger BUT the one bathroom thing makes the already difficult task of potty training, that much more of a challenge. 

We are doing some packing (hello storage unit), some painting and repairs (hello painting company), buying a new water heater (hello Lowes), and finding a way to pay for it all without dipping into the new home down payment fund (HELLO TAX REFUND!)

Plus, there was Easter, which was so much fun. Caroline was all about finding the plastic eggs and discovering what was inside. I found her with the contents of the eggs organized around her on the floor. She had a perplexed look on her face as she chewed on some candy. I was trying to deduce why she had such a strange expression when I saw one of those little chocolate eggs that is wrapped in foil. It had bite marks in it. That’s when it clicked – sweet baby girl didn’t know you have to unwrap them. I hold my hand under her mouth and tell her to spit it out. Out spills chewed up chocolate covered foil. I show her that they must be unwrapped, take away any other offenders and leave her to her pile of candy and toys. 

It was an awesome weekend.

If you don’t hear much from me in the next month or so, it will be because we are become masters of the real estate market!!

Here are some pictures to brighten your day. If they don’t brighten your day, you are immune to cuteness.

Maggie happy about easter

Egg hunting at home

Egg hunting at Grandpa and Nana's

The Terrible Twos

I’m struggling.

The terrible twos are in full force at our house, and I totally lack the patience, time AND capacity to deal with this. Every day of the week there is AT LEAST one full blown meltdown. Oh and I’m not talking about throwing a little fit that is resolved by a stern talking to or even time out. I’m talking throwing things, rolling on the ground in hysterics, swinging and kicking at anyone in the vicinity and screaming for a good half an hour.

My emotions usually run the course of tolerant, to angry, to finally depressed. At first I accept that this is part of life. The angry portion usually comes when the tantrum has affected something larger, like me being very late for work. The depression comes after the tantrum has passed and I reflect on how much of our time together is mostly spent in this unhappy state. Also, I am acutely aware that how I handle the situation can solve or exacerbate the problem. And, lets be honest, I’m typically exacerbating the problem, leaving the blame on my parenting style.

This morning started out this way. So when I get to work I begin scouring the internet, looking for some advice and/or commiseration.

I wish I could tell you I found what I was looking for. Let me just share with you some of the CRAP I found.

RE: Managing Tantrums in Public
"Start by removing your toddler from the situation by picking him up and taking him to a quiet place such as the car or the bathroom. Hug him until the tantrum stops and provide guidance as you would at home. Do not give in to your child's demands. If he knows he can throw and fit and receive a candy bar, you can bet on a repeat of the same situation next time you run errands."

HUG HIM???? Yeah, I tried to Hug Caroline during one of her tantrums and almost lost an eye.

RE: Generally Managing Temper Tantrums
During a tantrum, it's important to remain calm and avoid inadvertently reinforcing the behavior. (Yea, no shit, Sherlock) Keep your emotions in check. If your emotions escalate, so will your child's. Do not laugh or confront her. Instead, ignore your child without making eye contact and wait for her to calm down. This will ensure you are not reinforcing bad behavior

Mind you, the above advice came from the same post that instructed me to hug him/her. But, ok, I get it, public vs at home. This is the stance I take most of the time, but it’s not always possible or realistic. YOU try being calm and wait the tantrum out when you are already 30 mins late for work. Yeah, the job that keeps a roof over our head is kinda something I can’t afford to eff up. And don’t tell me to get up earlier, because that isn’t the problem. We have been up at 5am and still had the same tantrum take place when right as we WALK OUT THE DOOR.

Oh how about when I googled “terrible two’s” and got this gem:

“The Terrible Twos: A Myth?”

I’ve got one finger that tells you how I feel about that headline. Needless to say I didn’t bother to click on it.

Then there are the mom message boards. They are sometimes more helpful and generally more supportive, but they also leave me wondering if they have any idea what I’m dealing with. For example one of the mom’s provided advice that read, “I found it helpful with my first daughter to get down to her eye level by kneeling and talk to her calmly until she settled down.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

All of this to say, if you are dealing with the same issues - I RELATE. Also, don't look for any mom advice from me because none of what I'm doing is right or is working.     If you aren't dealing with the same issues, I am accepting hugs or reassurance that I'm not failing as a mother.   Here's hoping that age three is better!

Poop and vomit

More vomit than poop recently, but yes, that’s what my life is all about.

I’ll start with the poop, because I know how everyone loves a good poop stories (Fun drinking game, take a drink every time you read the word poop. Yep, that one counts too.)

So it was a typical frenetic Sunday night and Hubs was giving Caroline a bath. No, let me be more specific, he was giving her a bubble bath. She loves the bubbles and that means fewer tantrums for us, yay.

I’m not sure what I was doing, giving Maggie a bottle, folding laundry, cooking, facilitating world peace, take your pick. Well I stopped whatever was keeping me occupied when I hear hubs say tentatively, “I think Caroline pooped in the tub”.

“You think!?” My response was as urgent as my footsteps into our tiny bathroom.

He explained his uncertainty just as I saw the problem, the bubbles! We used a plastic cup to push the bubbles around until…yep, poop. One turd surfaced between the bubble mountains. If there is one turd, there is bound to be another.

I sprung into action, grabbed Caroline and pulled her soapy self out of the poop water. I responded to her screams of protest with the explanation that poop goes in the POTTY, not the tub . I demanded that hubs get me a bucket with bleach in it.

I then started the tedious work of locating and scooping rouge turds out of the tub and dumping them in the toilet.

Meanwhile, Hubs is searching for a bucket or some other bleach holding receptacle, a naked Caroline is running around with bubbles still clinging to her wet hair and my angel Maggie is cooing quietly in her chair.

I’ll tell you what, it was like the Where’s Waldo of poop in there. Once I scooped all the poop it was time to bring on the bleach, bleach the tub, the toys and the girl. Ok, I didn’t use bleach on her, but you get the idea. And now, we are back at square one. I'm sure that whatever the poop inturrupted that night has not yet been completed.

I was going to tell you about poop AND vomit but I don’t think I’ve distanced myself enough from the vomit to talk about it just yet, maybe another day.

Poop (one more drink)

Fast times

OMG my life is moving so fast right now Like so fast that there isn't time for punctuation so just take a deep breath and read this a giant run-on sentence and you can maybe understand how I feel.

Its all CRAZINESS. Good craziness, but breathless-lucky if I get the dishes done-eating take out every night so there is time for living room dance parties-traveling to three cities in two weeks-making important presentations to even more important people-juggling tantrums and midnight feedings craziness.

Luckily I have my Husband. He has a way of taking my whirling dervish tendencies and slowing them down. I think he would say I do the same for him sometimes.

Ok got to go my hotel room is ready and I have work to do....