Poor Poor Puppy

As if going back to work and leaving my new baby girl behind isn't hard enough on it's own, Sammy threw a wrench into the mix. Last Sunday she was playing in the back yard and hurt herself. We don't know what she was doing but she came hopping up to Hubs, weight dispursed among three of her four limbs. The fourth hind limp was hanging limply at her side. Hubs and I checked her up and down for surface injuries. There were none.

We took her to the vet to discover that she tore her ACL and needed surgery to regain the use of her leg

Wait. Hold on a second. Let me repeat that for you

She tore her ACL and needed surgery

Why did I need to repeat that? Because it cost so much effing money that I have to write it twice.

Life throws you curve balls  I guess. So the past week has been sheer craziness with Hubs and I tag-teaming the baby car and dog recovery. With all of Sammy's meds and strict instructions to keep her calm (DO YOU KNOW MY DOG?) she required exponentially more attention than Caroline.

Things I've learned about Sammy during recovery
1. The vet must be crazy for suggesting SHE remain inactive for 6 weeks. See 4 and 5

2. She HATES the cone that she must wear to ensure she doesn't lick her stitches

3. If you can get her in the cone, she will only move forward. Because she won't back up, she sometimes ends up stuck in the corner of the room. see number 4

4. She is strong and determined sometimes requiring both me and hubs to hold her down, pick her up, administer meds. There have been times when we have our hands full of Sammy's resistance and Caroline decides to start crying. Where are the extra hands I ordered from Amazon?

5. She is set in her ways. Even though we moved her food up to the level where she is quarantined, she still attempts to runs downstairs  to check where her food used to be.

6. She hates being iced down - see number 4

7. Peanut Butter is a Godsend for getting Sammy to take the myriad of pills prescribed. Now she knows the sound of the peanut butter jar being opened.

Luckily she is done with one of the 6 meds she is on and the stitches come out on Sat. The bruising is already looking better. Our only concern now is keeping her calm so she heals properly and doesn't injure the OTHER LEG!

Back to work

I had to leave my little girl this morning and trudge into work for my first day back. I only cried a little. She is spending these first few days with Dad.

I get to work and find that my access to email and such is still disabled. All I have to do is attend meetings and pine for the snugglepuss. *Sigh*

So here is a pictorial of what she's been up to. In the past month she...
Still hasn't outgrown the cat


Celebrated her first holiday


Practiced making faces




And played with her cousin

Time Flies

Wow, I can't believe it's been over a month since I last posted. I guess you can say I'm enjoying getting to know my baby girl. She has grown SO MUCH in the past month and each week brings new developments. I think I finally caught my breath around 7 weeks. She started sleeping longer at night and we were developing a routine. Since then, we've been on the social circuit, visiting friends for lunch, parading her around the office and even another trip to Cincinnati to see friends and Quinn.

This week, Hubs and I actually had a night out and saw the Black Keys in concert. Aunt Biscuit came over to babysit. We had a great time, but I drank a little too much. Baby and hangover don't really mix.

Caroline is starting to engage with her toys. She stares at her ducky with an intensity that is a little scary. We've been able to coax a few smiles, but she makes us work for it. She'll smile with her eyes before the corners of her mouth turn up. I'm torn between wishing she'd grow faster and wanting her to stay a snugglepuss forever. We discussed putting her down for the night in her big girl bed (the crib, not the cradle) last night and it just made me too sad. We'll get too it in the next couple weeks, but Momma's not ready yet.

Yesterday was a particularly good day, the sun shinning on an abnormally warm day we walked the park and spent the day running errands. All the while, I was haunted by the impending doom that I will soon have to return to work. The thought of work isn't what bothers me. It's the fact that I won't have Caroline by my side! She will grow and change every day and I won't be there to see it. I know this is the same struggle every working mother goes through, but it's my first experience with the challenge.

I also know that life will get harder once I'm back at work. There will be less time to sleep and get things done and more organization needed to keep on top of everything. I'm sure it will be hard in the beginning but we'll get through it. I have to stop focusing on that and enjoy that it is 11 am and I'm sipping my coffee, blogging while my baby girl sleeps only a foot away.

Pictures to follow...

C's First Photo Shoot

While I don't have the best equipment (camera) appropriate for the  the baby girls first photo shoot, I decided to do my best with the point and shoot on hand. One of these days I really will purchase the SLR of my dreams. Luckily she's pretty enough on her own that I didn't have to be too creative.

These with the cute hat from Angela!

All wrapped up in the blanket I made for her

Transition to Motherhood

So I think I left off describing the labor and delivery. The next couple days in the hospital were so surreal. I was EXHAUSTED, battered and bruised as I boarded the emotional roller coaster named hormones. All I wanted to do was admire my new baby girl, consumed by every fold of plump skin, each strand of her fine hair and the sound of every cry. I was AMAZED. That obsession, however only fed my fatigue. I didn't want to sleep.


Everything I read, every trusted advisor all instructed emphatically, "SLEEP while you are in the hospital". Take advantage of the nurses and focus on healing. But I didn't WANT TO. I was living on 10 months of anticipation becoming a reality. Don't get me wrong, there were times that I DID get some sleep, but I was consumed with guilt each time the nurses wheeled her away to the nursery.

We had one nurse that was so awesome we wanted to take her home with us. She introduced herself as "the breast whisper" and she really was. With all I was feeling, I had to take on the next challenge of learning to breastfeed. With everything I observed from watching my sister and the aid of the skilled hand of the 'breast whisper, we didn't have any major challenges to overcome.

Poor Hubs could not sleep very well on the stiff hospital cot so the last night I told Hubs to go home and sleep. It took a lot of insisting, but he finally agreed. It was also New Years Eve, so before he left to get some shut-eye, he brought in some sparkling wine and we rang in 2012 as a trio.

Sunday, New Years Day, we were both discharged and ready to go home. As we put Caroline in the car seat, I burst into tears. I could do this in the safety of the hospital. Our world consisted of a small hospital room and I'd mastered that. Now we were getting into the car and going home. It felt like we were opening the door to all the "what if's" that had haunted me. It took some hugs from Hubs, who was eager to get home, stocking up on supplies and reassurance from the Breast Whisperer before I was brave enough to take the next big step in this journey.

We made it home and it was only a couple more hours before Bubby showed up. (Momma T is Bubby if I haven't mentioned that already).

I'm still a little embarrassed at how the fatigue and hormones coupled with the amazement and endorphins of meeting my new baby girl stripped me down to a scared, tearful shell of myself. Hubs stepped up to reassure me and give hugs at every turn, but it was Bubby's deft hand and confidence that kept me from literally falling apart. The first 24 hours were painful. Caroline cried for what felt like 24 hours straight while we tried every soothing method we could Google. She even became hoarse from all the screaming. My heart was breaking. She was hungry and my milk hadn't come in yet. Once it did, she calmed down. Too bad I was still on the hormone, fatigue ride of my life.

For those of you that haven't been through this yet, this is evidently what they call the baby blues. According to Doctors and the books it's normal-HA! About once a day I'd have a crying spell. Sure didn't feel normal when I was so happy to also be so full of tears. I was so conflicted by why I felt this way, especially when the easy cure was to pick up and snuggle my baby girl! But like all hormonal waves, it just took some time for them to balance (or burst through my tearducts like a broken damn).

I heard/read somewhere that the first month is more about the Mom than the newborn . Once I satisfy her desire to eat and sleep (on a two hour rotation) she doesn't need much. SO TRUE. It's me that has the most to learn as we transition into our roles.

Lesson one: I needed need to learn to get some sleep. Take care of myself so I can take care of her.

A million more lessons to go....

Two Weeks in

I can't get over how quickly the time goes while simultaneously every day feels like a lifetime as Caroline and I learn each other a little more.

She gives me a good block of time in the afternoon as she naps. My hope is to use this time to document and explore all the details from the labor, deliver and her first hours/days at home, to the joy of the daily monotony of motherhood, at least for the next 10 weeks or so.

Everyone told me how quickly the love for you new baby erases the pain of labor. They were right, however in the moment I remember thinking "who are those crazy misogynistic women who chose to forgo an epidural?"

I was induced for Caroline so we were scheduled to go into the hospital Thursday night at 9pm. I was nervous and excited and in TOTAL denial. I knew there was only one way to meet my new baby so instead of getting prepared, I just didn't think about it. Hubs and Momma T went with me to the hospital to check in and get started. Momma T went to stay at Aunt Biscuits house to get some sleep as Hubs slumbered beside me, oblivious to my growing discomfort.
It was a long night that included catheters, fetal monitors, breaking my water, pitocin and an epidural. After a long night, the epidural provided me an opportunity catch some z's and shift in an attempt to reposition a possible posterior baby.

All was progressing as planned, until at 9cm the epidural stopped working on the right side. Before I know it I found myself rocking rhythmically, moaning like a freight train with every contraction. OH THE PAIN. I think I was that way for about an hour before they could track down the anesthesiologist who proceeded to reposition the needle in my spine. AND THEN, the relief! At that point I was 10 cm and it was time to push. And was I ever ready to push. I was good an numb now, which of course made it feel like all the good pushing was doing was making my face beet red. But the constant reassurance from Momma T, Hubs and the team of nurses gave me the confidence to keep pushing with the same enthusiasm. When She was finally crowning, we paused to wait for the Dr. Momma T and Hubs were so excited that they actually were jumping up and down. I think they even exchanged a high five. It was awesome. Their excitement was the adrenaline I needed. Turns out that Caroline was indeed posterior, or sunny side up. It took a lot more pushing and exertion to get her out. It was the coolest, craziest, strangest, most awesome sight to see her come out, looking right at us. Then they said it. "It's a girl". I couldn't believe it. I cried with such joy and excitement as they laid her on my chest. She is perfect. The rest is a major blur. I remember Hubs cutting the cord and Momma T bouncing around awaiting the go ahead to tell the family that had gathered in the waiting room, Baby Caroline was HERE.

What I remember next is a slurry of euphoria, utter exhaustion and joy. Luckily that euphoria stayed with me for a couple days, because the pain was following right behind my first visitors.

More on the first days with my new baby to come. I have a little squeaker to attend to right now....

Baby C Lounging

Too cute not to post.