Two Weeks in

I can't get over how quickly the time goes while simultaneously every day feels like a lifetime as Caroline and I learn each other a little more.

She gives me a good block of time in the afternoon as she naps. My hope is to use this time to document and explore all the details from the labor, deliver and her first hours/days at home, to the joy of the daily monotony of motherhood, at least for the next 10 weeks or so.

Everyone told me how quickly the love for you new baby erases the pain of labor. They were right, however in the moment I remember thinking "who are those crazy misogynistic women who chose to forgo an epidural?"

I was induced for Caroline so we were scheduled to go into the hospital Thursday night at 9pm. I was nervous and excited and in TOTAL denial. I knew there was only one way to meet my new baby so instead of getting prepared, I just didn't think about it. Hubs and Momma T went with me to the hospital to check in and get started. Momma T went to stay at Aunt Biscuits house to get some sleep as Hubs slumbered beside me, oblivious to my growing discomfort.
It was a long night that included catheters, fetal monitors, breaking my water, pitocin and an epidural. After a long night, the epidural provided me an opportunity catch some z's and shift in an attempt to reposition a possible posterior baby.

All was progressing as planned, until at 9cm the epidural stopped working on the right side. Before I know it I found myself rocking rhythmically, moaning like a freight train with every contraction. OH THE PAIN. I think I was that way for about an hour before they could track down the anesthesiologist who proceeded to reposition the needle in my spine. AND THEN, the relief! At that point I was 10 cm and it was time to push. And was I ever ready to push. I was good an numb now, which of course made it feel like all the good pushing was doing was making my face beet red. But the constant reassurance from Momma T, Hubs and the team of nurses gave me the confidence to keep pushing with the same enthusiasm. When She was finally crowning, we paused to wait for the Dr. Momma T and Hubs were so excited that they actually were jumping up and down. I think they even exchanged a high five. It was awesome. Their excitement was the adrenaline I needed. Turns out that Caroline was indeed posterior, or sunny side up. It took a lot more pushing and exertion to get her out. It was the coolest, craziest, strangest, most awesome sight to see her come out, looking right at us. Then they said it. "It's a girl". I couldn't believe it. I cried with such joy and excitement as they laid her on my chest. She is perfect. The rest is a major blur. I remember Hubs cutting the cord and Momma T bouncing around awaiting the go ahead to tell the family that had gathered in the waiting room, Baby Caroline was HERE.

What I remember next is a slurry of euphoria, utter exhaustion and joy. Luckily that euphoria stayed with me for a couple days, because the pain was following right behind my first visitors.

More on the first days with my new baby to come. I have a little squeaker to attend to right now....

Baby C Lounging

Too cute not to post.

It's a girl

I can't believe it, but it really is a girl. Baby Caroline was welcomed into the world on 12/30 weighing a healthy 8lbs, 1oz. The past week has been a whirlwind of emotions that I'm still trying to grasp a hold of. There will be many posts to follow where I give you some of the details of labor (not too many) and the subsequent days of learning how to be a mother, recover, and expressing my undying gratitude to Momma T and Hubs, who have been taking care of me so I can take care of our precious baby girl.

Here are some of the first pictures while you wait for more... I promise this blog won't become entirely devoted to my daughter and motherhood, only for the next few months for sure.

BabyBit's Nursery

So I’m not quite complete on the nursery, but I keep meaning to show it to you. If I wait until it is complete, babybit will be 10 years old by then.

This room was our guest bedroom so fair warning to any future guests, you will now have to sleep on the couch. Due to tax reasons, we have to keep the Den/office an actual work area so that room was off limits for sleeping accommodations.

I don’t really have any before pictures, more just in-progress after we emptied out the room and were trying out paint colors. 

Room prep/progress

I knew I didn’t really want to do pastel pink and blue, or even green and brown (which has become the go-to gender-neutral colors). My goal was to do primary colors without being over the top. Its funny how the mood board originally created looks nothing like the end result. No matter, I’m VERY happy with the results. The baby blanket I made was really the color palatte I tried to stick to.

Baby Blanket Color Pallate


We chose a rich honey butter color to paint the walls. Side note – make sure the home improvement store properly mixes the paint when you buy it. We circled the room before we noticed that all the pigment was at the top of the can. As you can see we had two different colors where the gallon started and finished. A second coat fixed that problem though.

Paint Fail

As soon as I showed Aunt Biscuit my idea for the alphabet letters, she requested that she take on that project. Considering how juvenile my craft projects typically turn out and what great style she has, I was happy to let her take it on. I wasn’t allowed to see the letters until they were complete. They are awesome. It took me too long to hang them on the wall and as you can see I eyeballed it when hanging them. Some are closer together than others and crooked but ce la vie.

Alphabet Wall


I’m actually surprised at how inexpensively we decorated the room, thanks to all the donations. The dresser and mirror were in the room already. I just re purposed them with white paint. The other furniture was all hand-me-downs (rocker from SIL, pillow made by Momma T, crib from co-worker, and changing table from a friend). The lamps were craigslist finds that were painted. The rug was on sale at Menards (where you can save big money, by the way).

Dresser and Mirror


Crib and Alphabet (please ignore all the clutter that I don't know where to store)


Changing table and Rocker (imagine white storage cabinet above the changing table)


As you can tell, space is a premium in the room – already storing things under the crib and where ever we can find room. There are a couple of remaining items, including shelves/storage over the changing table.
 
Only 4 days until the due date - Merry Christmas from BIGbit

Too much time to worry...

With the holidays approaching, work is starting to slow down. Multiply that by the decline in projects due to my looming maternity leave and you’ll understand that I have a little too much time to be impatient, worry about complications and generally stew about motherhood.

That means you all get the joy of reading about every thought that crosses my mind. At least I’ve put it here so you can ignore it without insulting me directly!

Patience – It is a virtue I’ve never been blessed with. I was moving along fine with the idea that it would be January before babybit arrived. I had told myself there was still a lot more waiting to be done. That was until my doctor examined me last week and said I was 80% effaced (google it if you really want to know what that means). I was so caught off guard with the idea that my body was actually progressing toward labor that I rushed through the last of my tasks to get the house baby ready. It took exactly one day. Since then, no more progression, despite all the aches, pains, Braxton Hicks (that hubs has affectionately named Braxton Millers), sore boobs and overall uncomfortableness (pretty sure that isn’t a word). Don’t get me wrong, I KNOW that first time moms typically go past their due date. I KNOW my mom and my sister both went late. I KNOW that there is NO WAY to know when you are going into labor and I keep telling myself that another couple of weeks is NOTHING compared to the 9 months of being pregnant, and the years of trying to get pregnant. But logic hasn’t taught me patience.

Complications – Hubs asked me a question the other day that has been a cloud of a thought in my own mind for months. A thought that I didn’t really want to give shape and texture to, “What if our baby has special needs or isn’t completely healthy?” Well, if you know the Hubs you know the question wasn’t that succinct, but that was the gist of the conversation. With the pending introduction to your new little one, I imagine everyone fears their bambino won’t be perfect. My response, also originally not as succinct, “I can’t worry about it, because the worrying won’t do anyone any good. We’ll handle whatever comes our way the best we can.” But of course now the question is out there. A constant worry than I can’t really ignore.

General anxiety – It is probably naive of me, but my fear of labor hasn’t been about the pain. I guess knowing an epidural is an anesthesiologist away helps put me at ease with that. My fear, grounded completely in infertility struggles, manifests around my body not doing what it is “supposed to”. The uncertainty of being able to breastfeed manifested itself into a dream where Momma T was scorning me for starving my baby. She took matters into her own hands and feed it canned cat food. SOMETHING had to be done. Of course then there is the fear that I’ll have a C-section fear if I don’t dilate. This fear is only compounded by my sister’s disappointment that result for her own labor and her painful recovery process.

But not everything is all doom and gloom of "what if things go wrong". Some of the time spent is thinking about all the cool wonders of pregnancy, like:

There are currently TWO souls in my one body – how crazy is that?

If babybit is a girl, then the eggs have already been created in her little ovaries, and I am carrying not only her but possibly my future grandchildren.

I am more proud of my stomach than I have EVER been in my life (and probably will be again). I am showing it off to anyone that will look. My skin has NEVER been this tight.

I really love feeling him/her move inside of me. I spend so much time with my hands on my belly, trying to discern the shapes of a leg or a butt that I am bordering on the obsessed.

Let the waiting begin

December is here! I am so excited to finally be within THREE WEEKS of my due date. I do think that there is no WORSE time to be pregnant though. I'm totally stressed out about Christmas shopping. I have so much to get done, but I can only stand to be out at the stores, fighting the crowds for short periods. Hubs and I tried to go shopping last weekend and only 30 mins into it, I was leaning over the cart to steal some back ache relief. Last night I had to go to Target and Lowes. I ended up paying WAY too much for stuff at Target because I wanted to skip the trip to Lowes since I was already drained. I guess it's going to be a online shopping kind of year.

Biscuit finally unveiled the finishing touch for the Nursery last weekend. Hopefully this weekend we'll assemble and take pictures for the blog. I'm excited to show the before and after pictures of the room.

Not much else going on. Just trying to keep myself busy, because, you know, a watched pot...

Tick, tock.

Baby Shower and Nursery Assembly

Well I know I haven’t been updating the blog as often as I should but that just means more content when I do get around to it.

Two weekends ago, Biscuit, in collaboration with my Sister In-Law and Step Mother in-Law threw me an awesome baby shower. It was a great Sunday afternoon with family and friends. It was also Baby Q’s first big social outing.


I was overwhelmed by the people that took time out of their schedules to spend the afternoon with me. I’m so very lucky to have such a supportive family and group of friends. Plus, did I mention the food? Biscuit did it up. She even baked Grandma’s famous carrot cake recipe for the occasion.

After the shower, we unloaded our booty into the Nursery, already questioning where we are going to keep/put/store all this baby stuff. Hubs and I have been spending weeknights organizing the room. Unpacking things and trying to find their permanent home. The first major task that Hubs was excited to tackle was putting together the crib. It was a hand-me down but it looks great (even if there is a voluntary recall). I figure it’s nothing compared to the death traps we slept in as babies, right?



Even though I haven’t washed any of the bedding yet, Hubs insisted we had to put it on so you could see the final product and take pictures.

The next night we assembled the stroller car seat travel system. I read the instructions as Hubs assembled. I must admit, they make these things pretty dummy proof now a’days. As he was playing with the new stroller, I added the ‘winter coat’ accessory to the car seat. Think of it as a sleeping bag for the car seat so you don’t have to put a coat on your baby each time you go outside. We surveyed our work and both agreed that 1) our baby will be very warm and 2) that they need to make more things this soft and comfortable for adults!

As we collapsed into the couch once the stroller was wheeled into the already cramped nursery, I asked “What are we going to do when we run out of things to put together?” I guess the answer is, we let the waiting begin

Don’t get me wrong, we aren’t at all “ready”. There is no rug on the floor, nothing on the walls, hubs hasn’t picked up the cradle and Oh yeah, the baby is still pretty content playing soccer with my internal organs. But you all know how good I am with waiting. At least I have the baby blanket to complete. That will keep me busy for another couple of nights.